About a year and a half ago, I came to this crux in my life. I didn’t like the crux. That stinkin’ crux scared the crap out of me. But that crux ended up shaping one of the biggest decisions of my life.
It’s mid-March 2017. It’s a beautiful Sunday, and pretty nice outside considering its winter in the Midwest. My family and I are just about over a huge bout with the flu, something that we had never dealt with all at once before. I am still coughing in the obnoxious way that I always do. It’s realllly bad!! I swear its penance.
And, for the first time in almost a year, I begin to question that the “school of my dreams” is actually the school of my future.
I swear God has a way of shaking us up at just the right times. He’s got a sense of humor, for sure!!
I had dreamed of going away to a wonderful Catholic University for a long time. Dreamed about all the experiences I would have, all the good wholesome experiences that would come with a Catholic Liberal arts education. I looked at all of my beautiful friends who were already in college and tried not to drool. I said I tried. And it seemed perfect!!
It was the practically perfect place for all those friends of mine, but I began to realize that it wasn’t going to be perfect for me.
And I hated it soooo much!!
But now, looking back, I kinda think I knew it all along.
For so many months, I had simply followed the crowd. I’m pretty good at that. Blending in. Also, I’m a massive introvert, so the less decisions the better. (In other words, if you could have just handed me the “perfect” college on a silver platter, I would have been good) So, my natural, very confused, response was to just tag along for the dreams of those around me for a bit.
Until… that cough-infested Sunday afternoon in March. The crux that I had been dreading, that I hated, and now don’t really mind so much.
See, you can’t fake yourself in this life. Christ’s plan for each and every one of us is so beautiful and intricate and beyond our immediate comprehension. Its special, individual, and different than anyone else. Just for us. And if we try and make our dreams look like those around us, we’re really cutting ourselves short.
Here’s how I look at it: If you want to live a beautiful, fulfilling, creative life, Christ is here to guide you, but it’s up to you, to you and me, to make things happen. It’s like you become a co-entrepreneur of your life with the God of the Universe! The DREAM!! And we can ONLY do that if we decide to be unabashedly ourselves in everything we do.
And going to a certain college just because its where everyone else is going is a pretty lame attempt at that dream.
So, I forgot about my once-dream school. I let go of the uncertain, uncomfortable feeling that had been attached to said school. And, you know what?
I felt so much freedom!!
I finally realized that what I had been trying to make fit wasn’t meant to be and that is one of the most freeing feeling ever!!
I have nothing against ANY good Catholic university, I just began to understand that none of them were right for me!! And that’s okay!
I automatically fell back on plan B, and everything began to make sense! It finally felt right!!
Just a thought on that real quick: So many people view falling back on something as a weak thing to do. Almost like you’re giving up. But I’m inclined to disagree with that. If your second choice, or your 15 choice, is God’s plan, what can possibly be weak about “falling back” to that? Maybe we should just call it falling forward?? Anyone with me??
I am so happy to call Oakland University my new hangout and am super excited for all that is to come!! I’m not saying its perfect, because no school ever will be, but I know it is where I’m supposed to be right now! Before that crux, the thought of going to a public university scared me! And, to be honest, it still scares me in many ways! But that makes it even more of an adventure. And who said scary things were bad?
“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go.” – Joshua 1:9
Have a beautiful weekend!!